The first time I opened for @johnmulaney #peteholmes #crashing #standup #comedy #hbo

How many minutes can you do? I could do 20. You'll do 10. Oh, f*** it's happening. Take that, Justin. The show is about to happen. It's not not going to happen. God, I hate doing stand-up. I hate doing stand-up comedy so much. I only wanted to be a comedian my whole life, and the thing I hate the most is stand-up comedy. Hey, are you clean? Uh, yeah, I'm clean. No, you gotta be dirty. That way my parents will hate you, and when I walk out, I seem clean. I'm not a clean comic. People think I am, but I say f*** and a** and co*** and all this stuff. Okay, I'll be dirty. Yeah, be dirty. A little dirty. Also, don't mention marriage. Don't mention adolescence. A lot of it is about adolescence. Well, then you don't do that, you do something else. Or you just say, welcome, I'm the venue owner, and then you walk off. Look, don't be bad.