I am manifesting hang out friendships!! (Even tho I know it’s as simple as….asking people to hang out LOL IT FEELS INTENSE) #friendships #friends #hangingout #adulthood #relationships #connection #community

I talk about this and think about this quite often, honestly, this idea of hanging out with your friends instead of going somewhere or doing something. This is a New York Times article called, Why Don't We Hang Out Anymore? The author says that they've been running an experiment, just inviting their friends to hang out with them. I've asked them to drop by for a cup of tea. I volunteered to join them as they walk their dogs. When I found out my local grocery store opened at 7 a.m., I asked a fellow early riser if she wanted to get her shopping done early with me. Some were slightly suspicious at first, but everyone was game. As adults, often we don't think something is beneficial unless it's productive. We don't always realize that sitting around and resting with someone is still a productive state and worthy of our time. The article talks about couch friends, which I guess is a trend. I haven't seen it, but I understand the conceit. And so this is sort of where I get stuck. This idea that it feels vulnerable to have someone in your house. And I think where I feel stressed is not that they're gonna see my house or something, but that I'm, my people-pleasing tendencies come out where I need to host them. I need to, like, make sure they're comfortable. Do we need to have food? Do we need to all this stuff? And so it just feels easier. It's just easier to go out. But I really want to try to lean more into come-as-you-are kind of energy. Like, they will come, they will see your house in whatever state it's in, whatever level of pajama you're wearing, because that intimacy is where true friendship lies, not at the getting drinks at a restaurant. Like, you're, you're limited in what you can see or experience of their life and in an environment like that, right? So they give some advice about what to do. So if the idea of hanging out in your messy living room or at the car wash makes you feel a little vulnerable, start small. Tell a friend you're gonna drop by for 20 minutes or half an hour. One thing that freaks people out about hanging out is that it feels open-ended and they don't know how much time it's going to take. Yes, this is what I get stressed about with hosting, too. When are they gonna leave? What if I get tired? But that itself is a level of vulnerability to be like, okay, I think I want to go to bed, and just, like, asking people to leave. I get so stressed about that! But here's some things you can do. Acknowledge that it's gonna be awkward. Like, state the fact that you're trying this out and that you don't know how it's gonna go and it's gonna be clunky. Because we are just messy in our natural forms, right? It allows us to see a more three-dimensional side of the people that we see and interact with. Make it a ritual. So start small and then do it semi-regularly. Once you've hung out a few times, consider making it a regular habit. She has a friend whose house is near the campus where she teaches. Once a week, she will swing by his house and hang out with him in his kitchen while he's folding laundry or prepping for dinner. That is so nice! Anyway, please comment if you do friend hangouts where you truly just hang and exist together, and how you started those, if they feel natural, if, like, I just want to know all that stuff because this is the direction I want to head towards ASAP, honestly.