My audition for the daily show

I'm a little fucking riled up right now about this TikTok ban thing that's going on, alright? Not because I'm worried that TikTok's gonna go away. At the end of the day, if it does, we'll all fucking live, okay? What's fucking frustrating me right now is that the U.S. Senate is making me feel like they just think that we're all fucking idiots. With their rhetoric and their bullshit about protecting us from China. It's like, yo, fight your own fight, bitch. Keep me out of your shit. Here's the thing. Maybe I'm a fucking simpleton, alright? Maybe I don't understand the full depth, breadth, and scope of what the fuck is going on. Maybe China is very interested in how many times a week I'm going to get a fucking coffee using my GPS location on my phone. Maybe that's true. Maybe they need to protect me from caffeinated overlords in China. But tell me the fucking truth, bro. Because what it sounds like is, yo, if anyone's gonna manipulate our people, it's gonna be fucking us, bro. And we think China might be maybe doing some shit. You hear these dumb motherfuckers asking questions in these congressional hearings, and these bitches are approving this bill? Are you fucking kidding me? And for anyone pissed enough, there's a fucking great book I started reading called American Midnight that is fucking scandalous, bitch. It is fucking...