#coldplunge #icebath #fyp #meditation #guidedmeditation #parody

I need you to close your eyes. Hear me out. People keep saying my voice is soothing. So we're going to see if we can get this big dumbass to quiet his mind for three minutes. His thoughts are about as deep as a puddle. My bet is he can't shut them off. So go ahead. Take a deep breath. Good. Now do it again with your mouth closed like a person who's got a clue. Nice. That's better. Go ahead and close that lazy eye and focus your attention on the back of your saggy lids. And just breathe. As you do, I want you to relax your shoulders. Release the tension. As if you're not trying to win the shrugging contest. With you we know that as we start to scratch the surface, oddly, there's just more surface. Deep as a wet fart you are. No matter. You just have to breathe, didn't you dumbass?