scared straight

That's right. They call me Big Red. Because of your hair? No, because I'm well red. I got six GEDs and a nagging UTI. And I'd like to offer a counterpoint. Prison? Actually really fun. I'm in an improv group. I'm scrapbooking like crazy. Outside, I never used to get laid. Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times a day. It's incredible. Yeah, but don't let all of that fool you. This man is tough as nails. Tough as press-on nails. You better believe that, Buster. Yeah, tell him your story, Red. Well, you see, I was abandoned as a baby by my human parents. So I was forced to grow up at the North Pole. And you know, well, I'm just going to skip ahead. It's Elf. I'm talking about Elf. But guess what? This here is real. This here is Elf. I mean real. Wait. So you were an Elf? Ha. I knew you were a little bitch. Oh, snap. Oh, he's trying to play us out. He's trying to play us out, Red. You killed us, motherfucker. That's the night that lights went out in Georgia.