@Tom Segura’s six-year-old and nine-year-old are menaces 😳 #FallonTonight #TonightShow #TomSegura #JimmyFallon

Let me read this text to you guys from his contractor. It says, everything's okay. No skin off our backs, but we got to share this. Allegedly, your superhuman children totaled the porta potty, ransacked our outside wood storage, and pulverized the 50-pound, two-inch stone that we needed to reinstall. There's evidence of fire, and three bloody knives have been recovered so far. The search for the toilet seat has been called off. He wrote back, WTF, I'm so sorry. What in the, what in the world? I mean, I don't know, like, I feel like they're like kids from like a war-torn country, but they're not, they're ours, like, they're just, everything is either broken or peed on, you know what I mean? That's what- That's what boys do. Hammers and pee are everywhere. Like they- What? Things that I have are either broken or soiled, and like, I mean, I found a, you know, the TV, when I turn on the TV in the living room, and I see like three holes in it, I'm like, there's three little holes in that? And I go up to my six-year-old, I'm like, what, do you know anything about that? He's like, oh, I put a fork in that. I was like, oh. I go, yeah, you can't do that, man. Like, we need TVs. You just put a fork in the TV. And then we ordered the replacement TV that came in a box, and it had a hundred holes in the box. He was- He goes, I put the fork in that too, man. Yeah, I was like, all right, let's stop with the forks and the electronics. Wow. That's when the pee phase started. All right, all right, yeah, let's go back to the forks. Let's go back to the forks. Yeah.