Do you have a child the has a negative comment about everything? Or, ...

Do you have a child that tends to argue with you or better yet what I like to describe as a child who always leans a little negative? So this is like, hey we're going here for lunch today. I hate that restaurant. Hey we're gonna do this today. I can't stand when we play that game. I don't like that game anymore. Everything you say has to come back with some type of opposite negative comment. Stick with me because I'm gonna share the piece of advice that I have given to all of my one-on-one clients who are going through this and they usually push back against my answer and nine out of ten times they message me back a few days later and they say thank you it worked. So here's what we want to think about. When we have kids who lean this way it is very easy as a parent to become activated or triggered because we are seeing our kids as negative. They're always negative. They're not grateful. They're acting entitled. They're so spoiled. I know that they like that. They're just looking to push my buttons and we make it personal. We describe them as manipulative. We describe them as argumentative. As never listening right and so now we take the bait. So they say something like I hate that restaurant and all of a sudden we jump back and we're like no you don't. You love it. We went there three other times last month and you loved it every single time. Why would you even say that? Why are you trying to make this a bad situation? You know you like eating there and we double down and we try to be right in that moment. So instead this is what I want you to do. First and foremost you're gonna always pause. If you know my four-step process pause, acknowledge, respond, reflect. This changes from big reactions to more thoughtful responses. So we pause. Once we pause, we recognize the activated state that we're in and then what I want you to do is nothing. Doing nothing is doing something. Let me say that again. Doing nothing is doing something. When we don't take the bait and we don't argue back with them, the situation de-escalates almost immediately. There's nowhere for it to go. You're not giving it the space. In fact you could even go like oh yeah you don't really like it there okay but you're still going right but you're just recognizing what they just said and you're just moving on. When we do this we don't keep escalating with our kids. Remember our kids are energy matchers so when we escalate and fight back, especially if you have a strong-willed kid, they're going to escalate with you and fight right back and now the next thing you know is you are in complete power struggle with them over honestly nothing. Just let them make the comment. Let it go. Just listen to them. Keep yourself calm. Keep yourself anchored and I promise you over time this de-escalates so quickly. It will shock you. So remember do nothing. It is the same as doing something. For more of my strategies I am going to teach my last workshop of the year. If you go to the link in my profile and it's called connecting and raising strong-willed kids. Connecting with them. That's what they need. So we want to connect with these kids. We want to know what to do. They require a different set of tools. So essentially I'm going to teach you the five strategies that have worked with me for me in the last 20 plus years of working with kids. I will show you exactly what to do so that you're no longer feeling like your back is against the wall. Counting to three. Hoping that they listen and when they don't just feeling defeated. Grab that information. I'm also going live today at 12 o'clock so join me and I'll answer your questions there but believe me at the end of the day if we don't take the bait and if we don't make it personal things get better.